• khatijadadabhoy

What is Love?

Like most people, love of the romantic kind is a subject that has consumed a lot of space in my life. I’m writing about it to shine light on it for myself and hopefully for some of you.

When you give up your power to another, this is not love. When you obsess over someone or are totally consumed to the detriment of the forward motion of your life, this is not love. When you wait around hoping someone will feel about you how you want them to in order for you to feel validated as a worthwhile being, this is not love. When you manipulate circumstances to get a response or attention from someone, this is not love. When you are engaged in a codependent roller coaster of actions and emotions based on the responses of another toward you, this is not love. Whenever you are other focused as your point of fuel or energy for life, this is not love. Whenever you are trying to get your sense of worth from the feelings another has for you, this is not love. Also, when you idolize or make another greater than you, you become smaller, and this is not love. It’s not love because if you are engaged in any of the above, it means you have forgotten who you are.


This kind of love that a lot of us engage in is really two people who have forgotten who they are coming together as the illusions of the identities they’ve taken on. So we come in separation, believing we are actually separate life forms apart from one another and separate for our Source. We also believe we’re lacking something and the other has what we need in order to be whole. That’s why this can’t be love, or at least not real love. It is the illusion of love. It’s as close as we humans think we can get to feeling real love because we don’t actually understand how to access Love.

What do I mean? I mean there is a foundation for where Love is accessed, felt, experienced and that is in our connection to the Source of Life. That is the only place Love is. If you haven’t taken the time to access that place from within where you realize and know who you are beyond form and beyond all of your mental constructs about yourself, then you will not come to any relationship with the knowledge of Love or the ability to interact in Love. When you have taken the time to access that space within where you know who you truly are as an emanation of God and you can feel your oneness with the Divine, you are accessing Love. This is what you are and the only place to truly find it first is in that oneness with the Universal energy that is the source of all creation and in whose consciousness we all share. If I’m getting too way out there for you, I’ll make it easier if I can.

Some of you may be well versed in how to access this place and some of you may be asking yourself what the hell I’m talking about. All I mean is regularly get really present in the moment and remember that you are not your body, your daily grind, your thoughts, your constructed identity as parent, spouse, occupation, etc.  Feel your way into who you really are. You can put your hands on your heart, take some deep breaths, and feel the energy of Life pulsing through you. Feel that and know that it exists regardless of your outer identity or daily life. It feels sweet and warm and alive, maybe even blissful. Now when you remember that this is who you truly are and you walk out into the world and interact with others from that place it is a very different experience than if you don’t take the time to do this regularly. The reason is because you feel your oneness, how the energy within you extends beyond your physical body and is in constant connection with the rest of life. You remember this oneness and when you stand before your loved one you realize that you recognize them as yourself. Because you remember yourself as the greatness and the love that pulses through everything in life, you revere this other person in the same way. From this grounded knowledge of yourself as perfect and whole and important, you realized there is nothing you need to get from this person. You just get to love them and that is an honor. You treat them as you would want to be treated and you engage with them from the highest part of yourself. In that space, there is no low level drama, there is only Love.

So, if you’re hoping to experience a romantic love relationship or if you are in one, take the time always to feel and remember your oneness with all of Life. Once you are very familiar with this space, then you’re ready to meet your lover in the way we all dream of and let Love rule your decisions and your interactions. Remember your perfection first and you are sure to recognize it not just in your lover but in everyone. This is the highest form of human experience, in my humble opinion.

© 2020 by Khatija Dadabhoy