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Personal Transformation: My Journey

I have thought a lot about my own transformation as of late. As I begin building my own coaching and counseling practice, I know for sure that what I have to offer others is a space to transform. People have been noticing my transformation over the last couple of years and when they ask me what I’ve being doing that has caused the change, I found I had difficulty articulating what that process has been or I shy away from saying that it has really been a spiritual reconnection for me. A process of surrendering and giving up my need to control what I can’t control. I spent my whole life making sure everything was just so, making sure I was the good girl that followed the rules and did everything “right.”  I was orderly and controlled and, well let’s just say it, I was uptight. I was ruled by fear and did everything as a means to keep it at bay and hope that I would stay in the good graces of something that would punish me if I didn’t. I know where it came from and it really doesn’t matter. It wasn’t working and the reason I know it wasn’t working is that while my life looked well put together on the outside, I was miserable on the inside.

I lived like that for far too long before my well constructed life began falling apart and I couldn’t hide it. For me, it felt like the end of the world as now everyone else would see that I was weak, a failure, and worst of all a fraud. But it was the greatest gift ever given to me. When I say everything fell apart, I mean it, at least for me. I’m not saying there aren’t others out there that have struggled harder or gone through worse, but for me it was a wiping away of everything I had created in my life, all in one fell swoop. I said goodbye to an unhealthy relationship of nearly a decade with a lot of pain attached, closed down a business I had worked very hard on, had no income, had to move, and was in an enormous amount of debt. Emotionally, I was at rock bottom and had to make some hard decisions at a time when I felt I had no strength left. But I knew deep down it was time to change and something had to be done.

Although I had a strong draw toward spiritual, metaphysical, new thought concepts and I read A LOT, I was a dabbler. I knew the concepts intellectually and I dabbled in their application but it was on the surface. It was now at this pivotal time that I had to decide to commit myself to an inner transformation. I’m not sure I did it consciously but I did it. I simultaneously began making the tough decisions and following them up with actions in my life while I also dug in spiritually and emotionally to strengthen myself, my connection to God, and to let the way be led for me.  When I made these decisions and took action, it seemed that things began to show up to help me and to lead me in the right direction. I began to take action in the face of my fears and I was scared out of my mind. If not for a few very amazing people who would not let me do otherwise, I may not have been bold enough to take the needed steps. But their faith in me began to take hold and become my faith in myself. As I took each action and saw that the world did not collapse around me, I got bolder. A very good and wise friend told me at that point that the Universe meets you at the point of action. And it did because everyone I needed showed up and all the help was there. Everything aligned to help move me forward. I started believing little by little that Life really was on my side.  I realized that it was time to do the inner healing, to stop being a victim and to stop living in emotional pain. I refused to be miserable anymore. It wasn’t working and I knew deep down that life was meant to be more enjoyable. I also knew somewhere inside that I was going through all of this for a reason and that it would ultimately be to help others move through it as well. I had to allow myself to feel, to heal the past, to forgive and let go of the victim story, to take responsibility for my life experiences, to practice right thinking about myself, to commit to expressing my truth in the world, and to finally allow the possibility of a greater vision for myself. I learned to listen to my greater wisdom, and as I grew clearer inside, my intuition and my creativity began to really come through. Most and greatest of all, I made a commitment to myself and I put a steady spiritual, emotional and mental practice into place that has required much of my focus and time. The result is that now I get to see a new life expressing itself through me.  It hasn’t been an easy journey and it just keeps going and getting deeper, but it has been and continues to be an unveiling of everything that has hidden my light from myself and from the world.  I am finding that there is always another layer to peel back, and just when I think I can get comfortable, it’s time to take it further. I was contemplating how I could best describe what this transformation has been like for me and that is when the term “inner revolution” came to me. To me, a revolution is a radical and complete change, a change of paradigm. In this case it was a complete inner change. So, I started this inner revolution and what is following is a re-membering of my truth making me whole again.  

It feels profoundly freer inside. When I had the word Freedom tattooed in Arabic calligraphy on the back of my neck a couple of years ago, I knew it was the road I was embarking on but I didn’t know how deep I would take this journey.  I’m still on the road and this tattoo is my forever reminder that there is always more joy and freedom to experience!

Are you ready for a transformation? Is it time to start your own inner revolution? Have you already started yours? Leave me a comment below.  I would love to hear about where you are on the journey.

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