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Uncomfortably Comfortable


Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it  hardens does it become uncomfortable.

Maya Angelou

We can get so comfortable that we become uncomfortably comfortable. We can wear a groove so well and it can be oh so familiar and oh so comfortable, but then there is this feeling that begins to creep over us. We get restless, bored, sick of the same old thing we do everyday and the same dysfunctional patterns we keep playing out. We start feeling this deep desire to shake things up and change the status quo. We’re actually uncomfortable with being so comfortable. This is great news even if the way it feels isn’t so great. We finally get to the place where an opening begins to happen. Once we’re here, we might have that little voice that tries to convince us that there isn’t any need for change. We know differently, though, and if that part of us that knows differently is allowed to be heard more often it can guide us in how to begin the process of change and growth.


I started wondering why some people can become so comfortable with their lives even if they find no fulfillment or joy in it, and never feel what I described above. While others wake up to the horrible discomfort of the familiar and repetitive by acknowledging how bad it feels. I don’t think that some people just don’t feel it. I think they do but they won’t acknowledge it or they stuff those feelings down deep through behaviors that distract them and numb them out. Sometimes our discomfort has to move to pain before we’ll acknowledge anything needs changing. And sometimes we still don’t change anything.  So, I say count yourself ahead of the game if you have even begun the process of acknowledging that things need to change.It’s important that we listen to what may start as a small voice and give it attention so it can grow louder in order to drown out the other voice that wants to keep us limited.

The change we’re really aching for has to do with our inner experience, even if we think it’s something external we want to change. The only reason we ever want something external to change is because we think it will create a positive change in our inner experience, i.e., we’ll be happier and more fulfilled. So listen to the discomfort but understand that it is pointing you inward to cultivate happiness and fulfillment first before trying to change your outer experience. Sometimes we listen and we think it means we need to change jobs or move or have a baby, but listen deeper and you’ll recognize that you know you would just be bringing your same self at the same level of consciousness to all of those experiences. When you get there, you would just create more of the same.

People often want to skip over the inner work and try to effect some change. It won’t last and in most cases, with some exceptions, we end up right back where we were before. We’ll be playing out all the same stuff, and doing the comfortable and the familiar and the painful. Don’t misunderstand being uncomfortably comfortable. Be clear that it’s pointing you inward to heal and clear and transform long-held beliefs that have been playing out in destructive and limiting ways in your life. It’s pointing us inward to help us remember there is a Self in there who existed long before we took all of that stuff on and who would like some room to come out and play. We do that work, and then from that lighter and higher level of consciousness, every change we decide to make in our external reality will be a completely new yet more accurate expression and reflection of our real selves.


© 2020 by Khatija Dadabhoy