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How To Be Untogether


Untogether moments are rich experiences which lead to greater inner freedom

I don’t have it all together or figured out. I don’t have all the answers or always know the way. I struggle with a lot of my own inner challenges. Because I counsel and coach others it might be easy to say that I am  healed, fixed, clear, etc.  Well I am not. I may be slightly further along the path and have worked through some layers that make me qualified to hold the hand of others behind me and bring them forward through that same process. As I move further along and through more layers of clearing and healing and gain a greater sense of inner freedom, I have more to offer as a coach and counselor.

I know I have to continually do my own inner work lest I believe some day that I have arrived someplace where I have it all figured out. My continual quest for my own inner freedom through the challenges and experiences I face are the only way I will be of value and service to those I serve. This is a peek into some of my untogether moments.

See those untogether moments as answered prayers

Sometimes, I admit, it’s hard to be open about my own inner turmoil and unfinished business. Particularly, because I hold judgment for still carrying that unfinished business. It’s silly, I know. The only one with this expectation is me and all it does is slow down my growth and expansion because I won’t allow for it all to just be what it is.

So, here’s what has been showing up lately…intense amounts of fear around loving and being loved. I really believe that on a deep level which the Universe hears, we ask to get free of what limits us even if we aren’t totally conscious of the asking. There’s something more we want to experience and it requires getting free of what is in the way.

I’ve really come to understand that I have been carrying a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. So much so that it creates an anxiety within me that it is difficult for me to work my way out of. It’s excruciatingly painful. What I’ve become a master of is pushing people away in anticipation of this abandonment and rejection. Because of this, I never get to experience the profound love and connection that I’m longing for.

I called in some amazing experiences recently that have brought all of these unresolved issues to the surface in a profound way. And in perfect timing because at a different stage of my growth and consciousness I would not have been able to work with it the way I have.

Move through the process of healing by embracing your untogether places within

So I dug in and I surrendered and I bared myself to others and I prayed..a lot.  This way, with conscious awareness, I knew I could burn through the pain and the fear and get to what lay beyond it…an opening. A place where I could be freer and let love in without the habituated knee jerk reaction to push it away.

In my surrender I may have cried for days. Sobbing, weeping, painful cries that came from deep down. I let it all have a place and an opportunity to express. During this time, I wrote this entry in my journal.

Dear part of myself that is scared shitless,

I understand how scary this can feel and how real that fear can seem. I know it feels like nothing you know is working right now and nothing you tell yourself is making any difference. So stop trying to make it go away. Just be with it. Stare at it squarely and let it just be. That’s how it loses all power over you. “I love you my fear” – tell it that. That you love it with all of your heart because it has protected you in moments when you really were unsafe. Before you knew you were safe in the grace of God. Now, someone might leave you or change their mind about how they relate to you. Some may not be able to burn through the fire with you. Even when they leave there is a part of you that sees the perfection in even that. And even in your pain you will feel the arms of love around you. You are finally opening up a place you’ve deemed off limits and oh so much is waiting there for you as you continue to walk through the panic, fear, grief, anxiety and unloving beliefs about yourself. You know they are not your truth. They are not who you are but they are not your enemies either. They say, “we know you don’t need us anymore but we don’t want to leave you. You’ve been our home.” So, invite them in if they need a home. Love them, tell them you feel no differently about them than the joy, bliss and happiness you treasure. You know they have offered you as much richness, so let them make themselves at home until they are ready to leave.

Learn to stand in your broken and untogether greatness

I share this with you to practice opening my heart despite the fear and anxiety, and in hopes that it helps you in your process in some way. I am learning that standing in my greatness is achieved by embracing my untogether aspects not in rejecting them in hopes of appearing together. We are all untogether in some way and I hope you’ll join me in learning to appreciate those places for all they have to offer.

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